


Whumptober 2019

by Pumpkinnubbin



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 31 prompts, Angst, F/F, Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-11-09 07:04:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 28
Words: 13,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20849453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pumpkinnubbin/pseuds/Pumpkinnubbin
Summary: Prompt fills for whumptober 2019 over on tumblr! Prepare for angst, angst, and more angst. I apologize in advance. Daily updates.





	1. Shaky Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated T with a Major Character Death warning. Suicide trigger warning.

Maria prides herself on never missing a mark; on being an excellent shot with a steady aim, always. This is what she is good at, what she’s been trained to do. She excels at it, no matter the weapon. It’s one of her many talents, and certainly one of the more useful ones for her line of work. She’s never had any issues with shooting anyone, not in the army and not with S.H.I.E.L.D.. That’s just the way her world turns and she doesn’t mind because it makes it a better and safer place for everybody else. That’s what matters.

This is different. Her aim is off by an inch, her hands shaky, her heartbeat too loud in her ears. She can’t breathe. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. This isn’t how her world is supposed to end. Tears threaten their way past her defenses but she holds them in, forces herself not to blink. She can’t stop her hands from shaking or her legs from feeling like they’re going to give up on her. She can’t do it.

Natasha stares back at her, unmoving. She notes the trembling and smiles sadly. Her own hold on her own gun is steady and unwavering, her aim perfect.

“Maria…”

Maria wants to shake her head. She wants to throw her glock at Natasha. She grips it tighter instead but the shaking persists and it’s so _pathetic _but Maria feels sick and she wants to fall to her knees. Her resolve has never failed her this much. She loves Natasha. She can’t do it.

“Maria.”

“No. No.”

“You have to.”

This time Maria does shake her head and she allows the tears to spill down her cheeks. She can feel her heart breaking. This isn’t supposed to happen. It was never supposed to happen.

Natasha smiles at her fondly. It’s too late for her and it’s her or Maria and Natasha wants it to be Maria. Maria, who has always been better than her. Maria, who she loves more than life itself. It cannot be Natasha.

“Do you still trust me?” She asks quietly.

“Yes,” Maria breathes softly.

Natasha chuckles quietly. Only Maria would trust her when they’re about to kill each other. Only Maria…

“Close your eyes.”

Maria hesitates for exactly three seconds before taking a shaky breath and doing as she’s told. Her hands feel too shaky to hold the gun and there’s a growing feeling of dread settling in the pit of her stomach.

“I love you, Maria.”

The gunshot rings in Maria’s ears but she can’t feel a bullet going through her. Her eyes snap open and she drops the gun, feeling sick and broken. Natasha lies dead by her feet and Maria drops down next to her. She reaches out with still shaky hands and touches her cheeks before she breaks down and sobs into Natasha’s shoulder.

There is no more world to save for Maria.


	2. Explosion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nobody dies this time!

It’s quiet when they approach the building. Intel says it’s an old HYDRA base with a few stragglers still running some experiments inside. Natasha and Maria are at the front of this mission with a small team right behind them. Natasha doesn’t like the silence. It feels off, wrong. Like something isn’t right. Maria has the same gut feeling and they share a look. They indicate for the team to be careful before infiltrating the place.

Natasha pushes her way past the door, quickly checking that the hallway is empty before nodding the rest inside. Maria joins her and takes point and the team follows shortly behind.

They make it through half the building before actually encountering anybody. The four HYDRA men go down in moments but they’re not the only ones in the building. The gun fire draws attention to their presence and they have to move quickly. They split up. The agents go further in while Maria and Natasha head upstairs.

It’s suspiciously silent on the upper floor. Natasha is uneasy and Maria feels on edge. They move further in, checking every room for the men and any experiments and files they can find. Most rooms are empty but they do find a few files and notes scattered around. None of them are useful but Maria takes a few photos anyway, just in case.

Natasha heads to the next room and takes out the two men she finds inside. There’s a couple of scientific equipment pieces here so she takes some time to have a look around. This looks promising. She reads over some of the files until she hears a noise behind her. Another HYDRA goon shows up in the doorway and he goes down before either one of them can do anything. Maria steps over his body a moment later and makes sure Natasha is fine, joining her to secure all the information in the room.

“What is all this?”

“I’m not sure I want to know, honestly.”

Maria huffs. She can only agree with that. HYDRA makes her uncomfortable on so many levels.

Natasha spots the blinking light first. It takes her a second to realize what it is. She immediately grabs Maria by the arm and shoots the nearest window before dashing for it. Maria’s legs carry her along automatically and she has just enough time to catch up with what’s going on to protect her face when they jump through the window. The explosion catches them midair and Natasha tries to pull Maria closer to her. She was through the window first and she hits the ground first, trying to cushion Maria’s impact. She manages, somewhat. Her ears are ringing from the explosion and she can’t breathe from hitting the ground a storey below but she feels mostly fine. This isn’t her first explosion. She doesn’t particularly care about all the glass shards in her arms either. Maria needs a moment to find her bearings and then pushes herself off Natasha, coughing but reaching out to check up on her. Their clothes are singed from the fire and it’d be useless to try and talk so neither one of them bothers. They can’t hear anything except the ringing assaulting their ears.

Natasha pushes herself up and winces. She’s cracked a few ribs but Maria is alive and that’s all that matters. Maria does try contacting the rest of the team and she’s relieved when she can make out their voices over the comms with everyone being alive and mostly well. They’ve been farther away from the explosion than her and Natasha and though the blast caught them, it’s nothing serious.

She pushes some hair out of Natasha’s face and brings their foreheads together for a few moments. If Natasha hadn’t reacted so quickly, they’d be off a lot worse right now. They’ll need to get back to base though. Natasha’s breathing sounds a little funny and Maria can feel the spots where her clothes are burnt into her skin.

“Fuck HYDRA.”

Natasha laughs softly because, yes, fuck HYDRA.


	3. Human Shield

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt 3 will be added at a later date, I skipped over it for a couple of reasons. This is prompt 4.

As far as predicaments go, this isn’t the worst one Natasha’s ever found herself in. Far from it, really, except for the fact that she isn’t stuck in cover by herself. She could deal with that, if it was just her. It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. Maria’s presence changes far too many things in this particular equation.

They’re stuck behind a couple of overturned tables that have holes and splinters flying in all directions from the bullets that keep hitting them. The wood is thick enough to resist a few bullets in one space but that luck is going to run out eventually. They barely have a moment to shoot back; they are hilariously outnumbered. A backup team is on its way but until then they’re on their own. Natasha has tried counting the bullets but there’s so many men shooting at them that it’s practically impossible to tell how many shots any one of them has fired.

A chunk of table gets shot off by what Natasha guesses is a shotgun and she curses before grabbing Maria and pulling her over to her table.

“You okay?”

Maria nods and chances a peak through one of the larger holes in the table. There’s four men left; they’ve already taken out five. Natasha shoots back at them when she can and Maria takes that distraction to take another one out. Three to go. Maybe they won’t need the backup after all.

There’s some noise coming from down the hall and Maria prays for their reinforcement, not the enemy’s. A few shots ring out and a body hits the floor and Maria thinks they’re finally through the worst of it.

Her hopes are short lived when she turns to check on Natasha and sees a small red dot on her temple. Her instincts take over and she barely has time to shout “Sniper!” before tackling Natasha to the ground. The glass of the window shatters and she lands on top of Natasha with a grunt. Natasha is quick to push her off her, gently, and get them out of sight. She lets the backup handle the last man and checks on Maria. She’s not bleeding but Natasha does find a bullet hole in her vest. The kevlar at least has done its job and Maria is short of breath and hurting but she’s fine. It’ll bruise and hurt for a while though.

“Idiot,” Natasha mumbles, “Stop trying to be a human shield.”

Maria smiles up at her and then grimaces before pushing herself up a little. She’d do it again even without a vest. Natasha knows it too.

“Let’s get outta here,” Maria says once the shooting’s stopped.

Natasha nods and they get to a safe space in the room before joining the backup team. They’ll have to take care of the sniper on the way.


	4. Gunpoint

Maria doesn’t remember how she’s even gotten into this situation. Her head hurts and she can feel some blood against her skin so she guesses someone hit her hard enough to knock her out and move her to … wherever this is. She realizes quickly that she’s strapped to a chair when she tries to move. She blinks, once, twice, then something cold and hard taps against her temple. She knows that. The feeling, the sound, the weight of it. A gun. Her own gun, actually. She makes an angry little noise in the back of her throat. That’s rude.

“Your friend’s here.”

Maria frowns and looks up, trying to bring her surroundings into focus. The feeling of the gun against the back of her head is distracting and the bright lights make her eyes hurt and her head hurt worse. Fuck, what’s going on? She eventually manages to focus on a small body on the other end of the room and holds her breath for a moment. She’d recognize that frame anywhere even if she can barely keep her eyes open long enough right now. Natasha is here. And she looks pissed, which is an expression Maria doesn’t see on her very often. The man holding her at gunpoint is either stupid or has no idea who he’s angered but either way he isn’t going to live much longer. He’s not going to have a painless death, Maria thinks, given how tense Natasha looks even from so far away. She’s ready to pounce and make it personal.

Maria’s head is forced down when the barrel of the gun presses against her harder and she hears Natasha’s growl from across the room. Maria is a high-risk target as deputy director but she can count the number of times she’s been taken on one hand and still have most her fingers available. This doesn’t happen to her. She’s offended that someone who has no idea who the Black Widow is managed.

“You have five seconds to drop that gun and step away from her before I have my way with you.”

Maria closes her eyes. She doesn’t like this but hearing Natasha’s voice settles her nerves and lets her breathe. She’ll be fine. Natasha has never let her down.

“I’ll kill her first,” he returns and pushes the gun harder against Maria’s head.

Maria glances up and the small movement her head makes catches Natasha’s attention. She taps her thigh twice and watches Natasha tap her foot once. The next few moments pass quickly. Maria forces all her weight to the side to topple over the chair she’s in and Natasha shoots her captor in the arm to make him drop his gun, then another time in the leg before dashing over to bring him down to the ground with her legs around his neck. He doesn’t even know what hit him. Natasha shocks him once she gets off him and then goes to free Maria.

“Don’t scare me like that, Masha.”

“Thanks for the rescue.”

She sits up and rubs her wrists and then smiles up at Natasha. She’s even more beautiful when she gets angry like that over her and so Maria just watches her for a few seconds. Natasha turns back to the man once she’s reassured that Maria is fine and then finally shoots to kill. Nobody messes with her girlfriend.


	5. Dragged Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Open ended and therefor open to interpretation. Also I'm sorry.

Natasha doesn’t let her emotions get in the way of work. It’s a simple teaching but one that’s kept her alive for a long time. It makes her come across as cold and calculating. She’s okay with that. Natasha isn’t like that in her personal life. She’s open with the people she trusts and loves even if it takes time and effort.

Now she’s on the verge of both sides. The helicarrier is work but Maria is personal and Natasha can’t find her balance when she finds out Maria has been shot and is currently undergoing emergency surgery.

She runs to the medbay, completely ignoring Fury and every agent around her. There’s nothing she can do right now and she knows it but that doesn’t stop her from wanting to. She needs to see Maria.

A couple of medical staff stop her the second she bolts through the door to the medbay. The surgery is performed in another adjacent room and Natasha shoves one of the doctors out of the way to try and get to it.

“Agent Romanoff!”

She stops herself from actually rushing into the surgery room. She drops her forehead against the window looking in and takes a shaky breath to calm down.

“You shouldn’t be here, ma’am. The surgery will last at least another hour or two… There’s nothing you can do here right now, and they need to focus.”

“I know,” Natasha mumbles.

“Please.”

The doors to the medbay open again and Fury steps inside. Natasha doesn’t look away from the surgery. She should. She feels ill seeing Maria like that.

“Natasha.”

“I can’t lose her, Nick.”

Fury nods at the doctor and he leaves the room with his colleague. If need be, Fury is more than willing to pry Natasha away and bar her entrance from this section of the helicarrier. Maria’s situation looks bad. Natasha is a wild card where Maria is concerned.

“And you won’t but you can’t be here.”

“Nick-“

The rush of motions from the surgery room catches Natasha’s attention and she takes in the information faster than she can process them; Maria is crashing. Natasha reacts without thinking. She reaches for the door but Fury’s seen it coming. He holds her back and Natasha tries to get free of his grasp. It’s a weak attempt at best. Fury calls for a couple more agents to help detain Natasha and get her out of here. Her attempts turn a little more viscious then, especially against the quickly approaching guards.

They manage to hold her down eventually and forcefully drag her out of the room just as the beeping of the machines attached to Maria go dark. Natasha fights back but it’s just trashing and flailing. It hurts Fury to watch. Seeing Natasha like this, as well as Maria fighting for her life in the adjacent room pains him.

“Get her out of here.”

Natasha screams at him and then grows silent and limp. She gives up. She lets the agents drag her outside and back to her quarters and then breaks down in her bed.


	6. Isolation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one hurts me

It’s horrible, being alone. It didn’t use to be. At least not for Natasha. Growing up in the Red Room, solitude has always been something she’s had to deal with. It’s different now that she has people she cares about, that she wants to be near. She hates it. She knows Maria is _right there_ but she can’t see her, can’t talk to her, can’t even hear her breathe. It’s awful. She bangs her head against the wall twice before just resting against it. Maria is on the other side of it. That’s the worst part. She’s so close.

Maria can’t remember the last time she’s been grounded. Sometime as a child, she knows that much for sure. She’s been an exceptional soldier and had never needed reprimanding with S.H.I.E.L.D. either. This is strange. She wants to know if Natasha is okay, where she is. They took Maria away first and she didn’t get to see Natasha again so she has no idea what they did with her. She hopes it’s not this but deep down she knows better.

They’re both infected with some alien virus that’s turned them hostile and violent towards others. Fury’s decided to put them into isolation until they can find a solution to the problem, for everyone’s safety. The solitude is only doing so much though. They can’t hurt others but they can still hurt themselves.

Natasha doesn’t want to be here. She doesn’t want to be alone. She wants to be with Maria. Alien virus or not, she’d never hurt her. Being on her own is driving her mad though. She’s good with this sort of thing normally but not now. She has no contact with anyone and the room isn’t big enough. She feels trapped, like she’s back in the Red Room. She huddles into a corner of the room and calms herself down. Maria is okay. She has to be okay. Natasha doesn’t know what she’ll do if she isn’t.

Maria feels like she’s been in here for days. She’s lost track of time. She keeps thinking about Natasha, keeps wondering how long she’ll be in here on her own without any contact to anyone. She misses Natasha. She keeps herself busy by working out and exhausting herself. It makes her feel more in control and less likely to break from the tension that’s constantly building inside her from the virus. She drops against the wall and lets out a shaky breath. There is no way she can do this for long. She’s going to go insane without Natasha.

Natasha lasts three days before she almost breaks her bones trying to get through the door. It’s reinforced and she never stood a chance in opening it but she’s desperate. She needs Maria. She doesn’t care about anything else anymore at this point. She breaks down against the door and screams once. She has too much energy and not enough at the same time. She’s tense but she feels drained, especially now that she’s aching all over. She doesn’t function well in isolation for so long. Natasha starts to wonder how long she’ll actually last at this rate. She feels ready to break, between the virus, the isolation, and knowing Maria is stuck the same way she is. She hopes Maria is doing better than her at least.


	7. Stab Wound

It turns out that climbing a four storey building with a still bleeding stab wound is easier said than done. Natasha makes it but collapses once she hauls herself onto the rooftop. She’s torn off the sleeve of her hoodie to bind the wound and keep pressure on it but moving so much while getting up here has made things worse. The wound is bleeding again quite badly and Natasha is starting to feel light-headed from the blood loss. She’s pretty sure she’s gotten all of them but she still worries and isn’t willing to bring her attackers closer to Maria. Maria is the only one she trusts right now though and so climbing the whole building seemed like her best option.

She grabs her phone and texts Maria. It’s short and seemingly nonsensical, just in case her phone is bugged. She’s not taking any more risks where Maria is concerned. The code isn’t easy to decipher but Maria knows what the text says.

Natasha has to wait five minutes for the door to the roof to open. She’s focusing on her breathing, on keeping pressure on her wound, and on staying conscious. Seeing Maria step into her vision is the best thing that’s happened to her all day.

“Shit, Nat. What happened?”

Natasha tries smiling at her but it comes out as a grimace. She feels weak.

“Bad guys. Got ‘em though.”

Maria takes in the state of her and rummages through the bag she’s brought with her. Natasha’s jeans are stained in blood. It looks bad but not lethal, at least as long as they get the bleeding under control. She stems the bleeding quickly but Natasha is barely conscious anymore. Maria curses softly and finishes up and then very carefully picks her up. She needs to bring her to her apartment where she can properly take care of the wound and Natasha can rest. She has no idea how much blood she’s lost already and she’s not taking chances.

It takes a little while to actually get Natasha into her apartment and onto her bed. Maria gets her first aid kit and cuts Natasha’s jeans open around the stab wound. She cleans it carefully and tends to it. At least Natasha is out for this part. Maria knows from experience that this is the most painful part.

She’ll need to have a serious conversation with her about what is appropriate to do after being stabbed. Climbing a building isn’t on her list of things. Maria keeps the first aid kit nearby just in case and then sits on the bed next to Natasha, watching over her. She hates moments like these but Natasha is going to be fine and that’s all that matters in the end.


	8. Shackled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much for making this nsfw

Nine hours. That’s how long Natasha has been awake now. Awake and painfully aware of every second she’s hanging from the bar on the ceiling. Her wrists hurt, her shoulders ache, her lip is bleeding and there’s a dull pain in her head. She’s bound by her wrists with no recollection of how she’s gotten into this situation. She suspects a blow to the head seeing how she can still feel dried blood on the side of her face.

She doesn’t know where she is or how long she’s been MIA now. It’s definitely long enough to get a team looking for her which means Maria is on the move which means Natasha is definitely going to be found sooner rather than later. She hasn’t seen her captors since waking up. That’s bad. It means they’re smart enough not to approach her while she’s awake. Just because she’s shackled doesn’t mean she isn’t lethal.

The cuffs hurt. They dig into her skin and rub it raw. They’ve been bleeding for a while now. They’re too tight for her to get out of even with breaking her thumbs. She knows; she’s tried.

Natasha is counting every second she’s hanging here; every second until Maria will come barging in and get her out of here. She waits.

By the time Maria gets to her another two hours later, Natasha is barely conscious anymore. She hangs onto it, tired and exhausted, and light-headed. Maria always keeps her going. Maria runs up to her and touches her cheek, pulling her out of her thoughts.

“Natasha.”

“‘M okay. Just get me out of these.”

Maria nods and finds a chair to stand on. She drags it over to Natasha and steps on it, then gets the key she took off the now dead guy in the previous room to open the handcuffs. She wraps an arm around her to catch her and Natasha falls into her arms. She can’t feel her arms anymore and her shoulders still feel like they’re about to dislocate.

“I got you, babe, I got you.”

“I hate handcuffs,” Natasha mumbles into her neck.

Maria checks her over and notes all her visible injuries: the wound on her temple, the split lip, her broken thumb, and the raw and bloody wrists. She’d get her medical attention as soon as they were out of there.


	9. Stitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the least angsty one of the month thus far! I also skipped yesterday's prompt but I'll get to it after the month is over.

Natasha bites down on the hiss that wants to get out when the vodka hits her wound. She forces herself to sit still and let the alcohol do its thing. This isn’t the first time she has to deal with a bullet wound. The bathtub she’s sitting on is already a bloody mess from her getting the bullet out earlier. She grits her teeth and closes her eyes and then grabs the needle and thread to work on stitching herself up. That also isn’t a first. Doing it herself is awkward though and messy. She got shot in her side, just above the scar inflicted by the Winter Soldier years ago.

She starts threading carefully but her hands are a little shaky and she curses when she can’t seem to manage. She doesn’t hear the door open and she’s surprised when she hears Maria sigh from the doorway.

“Shit, Natasha…”

“A little help?” Natasha decides to ask.

She could do it herself, she really could, but it would be sloppy at best and she might pass out while still stitching herself up. She trusts Maria. That’s why she’s crashing in her apartment right now. She did leave a note on the door, just in case.

Maria approaches and kneels down next to her, taking the needle from her hands and assessing the damage. She prods the area around the wound gently and then picks up where Natasha’s left off. She keeps making sure the needle is clean and sterile enough to work with. She glances up every time Natasha makes a sound but she doesn’t stop stitching her up. Natasha can handle it. Maria knows it. Natasha takes sips straight out of the vodka bottle to distract herself, staring straight ahead and sitting still to let Maria work.

It’s a long ten minutes before she’s done and she puts everything away before checking on her handiwork. The stitches should hold provided Natasha is careful with them.

“Thanks.”

“Someone has to take care of you,” Maria mumbles.

Natasha turns her head to look at her and smiles. She’s lucky Maria tolerates her. She has a key to Maria’s place but she only ever really comes here on her own when she’s hurt. Something about this place makes Natasha feel safe and reassured even without Maria’s actual presence.

Maria shakes her head but smiles at her. She’ll clean up after her later too. That’s just the way they work. She’ll take care of Natasha as long as Natasha lets her.

“Go order us some takeout, I’ll clean up.”

“You’re too good to me,” Natasha smiles.

Maria gets up and kisses her cheek before putting away the first aid kit and grabbing her cleaning supplies. Natasha moves to the living room and drops down on the couch, then calls their favorite takeout place to order dinner. She’s not planning to move again for the rest of the night. If Maria wants her to sleep in the bed with her later, she’ll have to carry her over. Natasha smiles fondly. She really is lucky to have her take care of her.


	10. "Don't move"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be smut to give everyone a break from the angst but Charlie complained so I made it a little angsty with no smut.
> 
> Also just a heads up; I have virtually no experience writing this kind of thing and I don't want to misrepresent anything in my writing if I can help it so if anything is off about this, please let me know so I can try and fix it. Just because it isn't smut doesn't mean it's not something I could get wrong.

Natasha tries to keep her breathing even but her breath keeps hitching and it’s shallow every time she stops focusing on it. She licks her lips and screws her eyes shut in an attempt to keep her heartrate down and her panic at bay. Her legs tremble slightly and she almost wants out.

This isn’t the first time they do this. It’s a trust exercise at its core, one to help Natasha deal with her fears. Being tied up doesn’t scare her exactly but the loss of control does. Natasha is always in control, even when someone has her tied up. It’s always on her terms. This isn’t that different in that regard but it’s not her in control. She has a safeword for when it’s too much but Natasha is stubborn and has never used it.

Maria secures the last binding around her ankle and watches her control her breathing. Natasha trusts her with this. Maria always makes sure she earns it. Even when Natasha doesn’t use the safeword, Maria knows her limits. She pushes them but never pushes past them.

“Don’t move.”

Natasha nods once and opens her eyes again to look at Maria. It’s just this tonight; just her tied up and Maria watching over her. Tonight is about controlling her breathing and her panic. Maria is her safety net. She swallows the lump in her throat and tries her best not to shake so much.

Maria sits next to her and rests her hand on her stomach to keep better tabs on her breathing. She leans down and kisses her once. It helps to relax Natasha and ground her in the presence. Natasha nods again, grateful for the touch.

Maria is good at this. She’s good at helping and making Natasha feel safe. She needs these moments and she’s never felt bad about asking for Maria’s help.

She is acutely aware of the scarves keeping her tied to the bed. She can feel the fabric against her skin with every beat of her heart. She lies still except for her still trembling limbs. She’s come a long way since the first time; when she fought hard against the binds and had had a full-blown panic attack. She still feels the panic settling in her chest now but she focuses on Maria and her own breathing and not the way her eyes water with each breath she takes.

Maria watches her carefully and reminds her every so often to keep still and breathe. She presses down a little harder with her hand when she moves around too much and Natasha stills again whenever she does. She does need these reminders, the physical ones as much as the audible ones.

Natasha lasts thirty minutes until Maria decides it’s enough and unties her again. She rubs at her skin gently and then touches her cheek, wiping away at the tears that made it through. Natasha’s breathing is still a little off. She closes her eyes again to relish in Maria’s touch and let her calm her down. It’s easier, with her here and talking her through it. Maria leans down and presses a kiss to her temple and then lies down next to her to let Natasha curl into her side. Natasha needs this as much as she needs everything before this and Maria never skips it. She does wonder how long she’ll need all of this for. She gets better every time. Until the day Natasha stops asking her though, Maria is happy to oblige and be her confidant.


	11. Adrenaline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutouts to Charlie for the base of this idea. I had nothing but thanks to them I didn't have to skip this.

Neither one of them expected this mission to go FUBAR so fast. It was supposed to be simple and quick. The only thing it ended up being is quick and shit. The firefight breaks out in seconds before either Maria or Natasha can figure out they’re surrounded. They shoot back and find some cover. Maria is annoyed and Natasha is pissed. She hates walking into traps. She hates it more when Maria is involved. Natasha growls and shoots their last attacker down.

“Fucking assholes,” she mumbles, “You okay?”

Maria nods and joins her in the middle of the warehouse. She’s fine, somehow. Her breathing’s a little harsh from the action but other than that, she’s okay. She takes a look around and takes stock of everyone around them. They’re all part of the weapon’s deal they came here to bust so that’s reassuring at least.

“You okay?” She finally asks back.

She turns her attention back to Natasha who is already halfway across the hall to get to their assets and files.

“Yeah,” Natasha says, checking through the papers listing all the weapon crates.

Maria walks over to her and helps her go through everything. They secure all the info they can get and then head out, careful not to fall into another ambush.

By the time they’re out of the warehouse and five minutes out on their way back to the quinjet, the adrenaline starts running out again. It’s then that Natasha’s leg gives in with her next step and she falls to the ground with a wince, barely catching herself. Maria stops immediately and curses softly when she realizes that Natasha’s gotten hurt during the shootout. There’s blood on the leg of her suit from where a bullet pierced it. Natasha’s body is finally catching up with the fact that she’s injured and she needs a moment to acclimate.

“Oh, come on…” Natasha groans.

Today is really not a good day for her. She lets Maria help her up and thanks her.

“Let’s get you on board so we can take care of that,” Maria says, “So much to you being fine, huh?”

“At least you are,” Natasha shrugs with a lazy grin.

That is the only good thing about this. Natasha is fine with getting hurt and she didn’t even feel getting shot thanks to the adrenaline rush. It aches now but she’ll be just fine, though the blood loss is starting to make her feel a little light-headed.

They make it to the jet without any more issues, though Natasha adopts a limp for the last few meters. Maria sits her down and tends to the wound as best as she can. The medics at HQ will do it properly when they get back but for now she stops it from bleeding so much. Natasha straps in in the back and lets Maria fly them home.


	12. Tear-stained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hit or miss regarding the prompt and a day late for which I apologize. Two updates today though.

It’s been a week since the snap now and Natasha still can’t sleep. She’s lost half her friends to it and, what’s worse, she’s lost Maria to it. She sees her smile every time she closes her eyes and it makes her feel sick knowing she’s gone. She keeps their photos on her nightstand and reminds herself to keep going; to keep fighting and try to find a way to fix this. To bring them back. To bring her back.

Natasha cries more in that one week than she has all her life. She allows Steve to see her tears and hold her. She cries into his shirts and he just lets her. He never says anything until after, when he promises her they’ll find a way to reverse it and bring them all back.

She’s lost count now, on how many times she’s broken down in tears. She leaves her pillows tear-stained every night and never gets any sleep. She spends her nights lying awake in bed, thinking about Maria. She can’t think about anything else. She misses her. It’s like a part of her is gone and she can’t function without it.

Natasha wonders, at one point several months later, just how much she has left in her; how much fight, how many tears. She still cries, still ruins Steve’s shirts every other day. She’s in so much pain she doesn’t understand how she’s still going. All she knows is that she needs Maria back. She hopes they find a way soon, or find Thanos at least.

It’s been years now and they’ve found nothing. She oversees affairs from the mansion and keeps in touch with everyone who’s left. Carol is back on Earth for a change which is good because she’s a good distraction. Talking about space and alien planets takes her mind off the aching void in her chest. They play cards when Natasha breaks down again, and Carol holds her and lets her cry into her shoulder.

She hurts but at least she’s not alone. Everyone’s lost someone dear to them. It makes it a little easier to know they understand and won’t judge her. She still has friends and family, and they always let her ruin their shirts with her tears. She’s grateful for that. Natasha knows that she wouldn’t cope at all without them.


	13. Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might expand on this idea at a later point

Maria is almost always fully covered at work, including the times she hits the gym. She’ll wear a tank top at best and sweatpants, never shorts or anything that reveals any more skin. It isn’t that she’s self-conscious. She just sees no need for less clothing.

It comes as a complete surprise to Natasha then when she catches her in the medbay after a mission gone bad and sees the amount of scars Maria has on her body. She never expected her body to be flawless but she is taken aback a little by the severity of them. Most are small, like cuts, there are a few she recognizes from bullets, and then there are some she can’t place. They’re messy and some didn’t heal properly or with any medical input. Natasha knows those because she has them herself.

Maria looks up when she feels watched and notes Natasha’s expression. She isn’t shy and she doesn’t try to hide her scars either. She doesn’t like people staring though. She pulls her shirt back on when the nurses are done with her and walks past Natasha out the door.

Natasha seeks her out later. She’s not usually that curious but she wants to know more about those scars, especially the ones she couldn’t identify. It’s deeply personal and she expects no answers but she hopes. Maria opens the door and is entirely unsurprised to see Natasha. She lets her in before Natasha can even say a word.

“Ask,” Maria says.

“The ones on your back. What happened?”

“A couple grenades, and my father before that.”

Natasha frowns. For one, that’s a lot more than she expected to get, and for two, she doesn’t like the idea of anyone willingly putting Maria through that kind of pain. She has plenty of her own, of course, from people who definitely meant to hurt her. That’s one of the reasons she doesn’t enjoy the idea of torture very much.

“Grenades, huh? Couldn’t just get shot?”

Maria huffs a laugh and shakes her head. That’s a better reply than she’s expected.

“Like you?”

Natasha shrugs and smirks and lifts her shirt up to reveal the scar on her side, courtesy of the Winter Soldier.

“Yeah, like that. Probably less annoying than getting shrapnel out of you.”

“You’re not wrong.”

They fall silent for a few moments and Natasha drops her shirt again. She wants to ask about the rest of them, about Maria’s father, but she doesn’t. That is more information than she has any right to. Maria nods at her when the expected question doesn’t come. She’s grateful. She’ll tell her eventually, when they’re better friends, maybe.


	14. Pinned Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of the few prompts I meant to take nsfw. I didn't. This happened instead.

They’re sparring together when Natasha starts losing her focus. Her breathing turns shallow and her surroundings drown out bit by bit. Sounds go first and she can’t hear what Maria taunts her with anymore. She does hear echoes of voices she no longer knows. They’re stuck in her head, calling her, begging her. She stops seeing Maria next. There are faces she doesn’t recognize and she wants to scream.

She lashes out blindly when Maria touches her. She throws her down with a growl and Maria rolls out of the way when Natasha follows up the attack. Maria kicks her legs out from under her and Natasha crashes onto the mat next to her. She knows what’s going on and she knows she needs to be extra careful because it’s one thing for someone to be violent during a flashback but it’s an alltogether more dangerous thing when that someone is Natasha. She doesn’t give her another chance to retaliate again. She straddles her and keeps her arms pinned to the mat. Natasha tries to throw her off but Maria keeps her full weight on her, balanced just so she won’t get overthrown. She knows Natasha’s strengths better than most, after so many years of sparring together.

“Natasha…”

Maria keeps her pinned down for almost fifteen minutes. She does until Natasha stops thrashing and her eyes clear again. Natasha flexes her hands and slows her breathing. She doesn’t know how she got into this position but she can guess what happened. She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths.

“If I let you up, are you gonna try to hit me again?”

“No… How long was I gone for?”

“Twenty minutes, maybe. For someone so small, you are surprisingly difficult to keep down.”

Natasha opens her eyes again and grins at her. Maria hasn’t let go of her yet. Natasha doesn’t mind. She’s out of her flashback but the remnants of it still make her feel queasy and uneasy. Maria holding her down helps with that.

“I’m stronger than I look.”

“Yeah. You okay?”

“Give me five more minutes and I will be. And maybe stay on top of me. The view’s nice.”

Maria rolls her eyes but she does stay where she is. She knows Natasha well enough. The request is real even if it is masked. She can wait it out with her. Natasha huffs a smile when she realizes Maria is in fact staying and she relaxes under her. She closes her eyes again and just focuses on her breathing and the reassuring weight of Maria on top of her.


	15. "Stay with me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.

It happens too fast for Natasha to do anything about it and at the same time it feels like she’s watching the events unfold in slow motion. She’s too far away from Maria to stop it. The aliens are all around them and she can’t get to her in time. There are too many to fight through to reach her. Maria’s scream echoes in her ears and Natasha’s body turns to running on autopilot.

She shoots down the two aliens closest to her, then grabs another’s gun to shoot three more down. She runs towards Maria, who has collapsed onto the street, and tackles one more alien to the ground. She leaves a trail of alien bodies in her wake.

When she reaches Maria, the other woman’s breathing is off and she winces with every breath she takes. Natasha falls to her knees next to her and takes in the damage. Maria’s gotten shot right in the chest and her vest didn’t do a great job at stopping it. They don’t have good enough protection against energy based projectiles like the ones that these aliens fire at them. There’s blood staining her vest and Natasha hopes nothing vital has been pierced. It looks bad.

Maria looks at her, clearly focused on her breathing above all else, and Natasha puts some pressure on the wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding. Her hands are shaking and her heart beats madly in her chest. She’s scared and panicking.

“You’re gonna be okay, Maria,” she says, trying to reassure the both of them.

Maria grimaces and Natasha laughs shakily. Maria has to be okay. She doesn’t know what she’ll do if she isn’t. She radios the rest of the team and anyone who’ll listen and tells them Maria is down and needs an emergency extraction. They’re all swamped with aliens to fight and Natasha needs to shoot down more as she sits with Maria.

“Stay with me, Masha. I need you to keep me out of trouble. You know you can’t trust Clint with that.”

Maria almost chokes on her laugh and Natasha wants to cry. She _is_ crying, she realizes. The thought of losing Maria terrifies her and she feels like she’s going to be sick. Maria struggles to hang onto her consciousness and Natasha moves one of her hands to cup her cheek.

“Stay with me,” she begs, “Stay with me, Masha. You gotta stay with me.”

Maria nods weakly but she’s out cold before Tony arrives next to them half a minute later. Natasha leaves Maria in his care and he carefully flies off with her. There is still a fight to win here. Natasha needs to focus on that right now but it’s terribly difficult when she doesn’t know whether or not Maria is going to make it.


	16. Muffled Scream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm upping the rating for this chapter, just to be safe. Trigger and mature-ish content warning. It's nothing too graphic but better safe than sorry.

Maria doesn’t know how long she’s been here by now. It feels like days, rather than the hours she logically knows it must be. She can’t have been gone more than a day. At the same time that would possibly be perferable at this point. She doesn’t want to think about what it would mean for her if she’s been here for less than a day. Her body isn’t at its limits yet but she’s getting there and she has no idea how much more of this she can take. She hopes they’ll find her soon and get her out of this hellhole.

She’s beat up and broken, and she can no longer identify the places she’s hurting from the most. Her fingers are broken, her shoulder dislocated, and one of her legs is rendered useless by all the wounds they’ve inflicted on her thus far. She can’t feel it anymore. She can’t feel most of her body anymore, to be honest. The places she does still feel are all hurting her.

She hears the burner before she sees the flame and she’s bracing herself for the pain that’ll follow. She bites down hard on her tongue when her skin gets burned, and she tastes blood. It’s a distraction from the burn, albeit a bad one.

They ask her another question but Maria barely even hears it. She registers voices but no words and simply tells them to fuck off. She knows what they want and she refuses to give them the information they’re after. They’ve been trying for however long she’s been conscious now. Maria has been trained to withstand torture but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with the pain and her inability to do anything.

She makes it another ten minutes without making a single sound. The burns are bad and painful and the cuts that follow are deep and messy. Neither is what breaks her resolve on silence in the end. It’s the drill that goes through her shoulder that does her in and makes her scream. She tries to keep it down and muffle it by pressing her lips together but the sound still makes it out, and she still wants to cry.

She passes out from the pain and blood loss a little later. She’s exhausted; physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s a miracle when she regains consciousness and she’s in a bright room instead of the darkness she’s been in before. It makes her eyes hurt and she wants to scream again. She opens her mouth to do so but a hand covers it and muffles the scream that leaves her.

“It’s okay, Masha. We got you out.”

Maria blinks and lets her eyes adjust to the lights and she doesn’t bother to stop the tears from coming at seeing Natasha’s face. She’s safe in the medbay and that too makes her want to cry. She nods once and lets Natasha ease her back to sleep.


	17. Trembling

Natasha is tired. She’s absolutely exhausted, but she refuses to stop. She keeps pounding on the bag in the gym, punch after punch until her knuckles hurt. She barely even feels it anymore. Her arms burn from the exercise and the strain she’s putting herself through. Her legs are already trembling from running miles upon miles on the treadmill. She’s aching all over and she knows she’s pushing too far past her limits but she can’t stop.

She’s trembling all over and her legs are close to giving up on her. She punches the bag one last time and then drops against it, letting it hold her up for a few moments. She’s past her point of exhaustion, well past her physical limits now, and she still wants to push harder and force herself to do more. She’s been at it all night. It’s self-destructive above all else at this point and she huffs, tired, when her body refuses to move the way she wants to. She collapses onto the nearest bench and drops her head in her trembling hands.

“Shit.”

It’s been a while since she’s done this; since she’s forced herself so far that her limbs won’t stop trembling and she can barely move two feet. It’s stupid and dangerous, and it is one of the few things that help during nights like these. Maria is one of the other things but Maria isn’t here and so she defaults to working out.

“What happened?”

Natasha looks up and sighs. Maria is back and she hates letting her see her like this. Maria always disapproves of what she puts her body through in times like these.

“I lost you.”

Maria gives her a look and Natasha hates the way she still trembles. Maria smiles softly and crosses the distance to sit down next to her. She takes her hands in hers, checks on the bruising and the punched-raw skin and then drops them in her lap.

“I’m okay. How long do you need?”

Natasha shakes her head. She’s not sure. She’s really overdone it this time.

“Gimme a few minutes.”

“Alright.”

“I’m sorry. You weren’t here and I didn’t know what else to do.”

Maria, luckily, gets it. This isn’t the first time she finds Natasha shaking or trembling, or angry. She does it herself sometimes but for different reasons. Maria usually just forgets her limits and the time. Natasha always does it on purpose.

“It’s alright, Nat. Just try to get some sleep later.”

Natasha nods and Maria waits with her. They sit together until Natasha’s limbs stop trembling and she feels steady enough to walk.


	18. Laced Drink

Natasha doesn’t personally frequent clubs a whole lot. They’re too loud and crammed for her liking. She goes to bars sometimes, usually with Maria or the other women in S.H.I.E.L.D., just to unwind. She likes people watching.

Today’s mission has her stuck in a club. She’s tailing a mark but she has yet to make her move. She’s at the bar enjoying her drink when a woman sits down on the empty stool next to her. She smiles and bats her eyelashes at Natasha.

“Sorry, I’m not interested.”

The woman reaches out to touch her arm and gives her another bright smile. She is pretty but Natasha is happily taken.

“One dance?”

Natasha shakes her head no but she does offer a smile in return. The woman finally lets up and leaves. The stool doesn’t remain empty for long though and Natasha’s mark finds his way next to her all on his own. He smiles at her when she turns her head his way and she grins back at him. She grabs her drink and he lifts his own.

Natasha realizes too late that her drink tastes off and she curses herself for being distracted. She isn’t easily affected by drugs but she feels her head spin already anyway. She wonders when her drink got spiked. Her best guess lies with the woman from before acting as a distraction while someone else laced it. She’s a little mad at herself. She blinks a few times and tries her best to keep her mark in focus. He gives her a concerned look but Natasha doesn’t buy it. She’s here because she’s pretty and exactly his type.

“Masha…” she mumbles, and hopes her earpiece picks it up over the noise of the club.

She doesn’t remember much past that. She has vague flashes of lights and sounds, the smell of an alleyway and its garbage, and the feeling of warmth against the small of her back. She doesn’t remember walking anywhere. It makes her question just how strongly her drink was laced. If her cover is blown, she’s in big trouble. If not, any other woman he may have gone after might not have made it through the night.

She wakes up in a haze, tied to a bed with her mark looming over her. It’s not a position she enjoys being in. She tests the bonds by tugging lightly and sees him smirk. Natasha really does hate clubs, and all the people who spike drinks.

She is reassured to hear Maria’s voice in her ear a second later. He apparently didn’t bother to check her over which at least means her cover isn’t blown. Small favors. Maria is a minute out. She’ll get her before he can do anything to her.

“You could’ve just asked,” she mumbles.

“Where’s the fun in that?”

Natasha shrugs vaguely and stays still when he touches her. He doesn’t get very far. The door is kicked in moments later and Maria drags him off her. She knocks him out and ties him up before getting Natasha unbound.

“I’m never going to a club again.”

Maria smiles and nods. That’s fair.


	19. Hallucination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For one, I am 100% out to break hearts with this one, and for two, I made myself cry.

Natasha hates being injured. She’s fine with sitting still for a while and taking it easy to give her body time to recover but she hates the meds and painkillers that come with bad injuries like these. Her pain tolerance is high so she doesn’t need drugs often but this is one of those times where she doesn’t get a say in it. She’s always disliked that part but it’s worse now.

She hides in her room and curls up in her bed. She expects to see Maria so it’s not a surprise when she does but that doesn’t ease the ache she feels in her chest. She grabs her head and closes her eyes. She’s not real. Maria is gone.

“Go away,” she mumbles.

This isn’t the first time she hallucinates Maria. It broke her heart the first and it breaks her heart now. She doesn’t think she deserves this particular form of torture.

“Natasha.”

Natasha rolls onto her other side to face the wall. She doesn’t want to see her, doesn’t want to hear the voice that isn’t real. She’s done it the first time; held an actual conversation with her hallucination in a sad attempt to cope with her loss. She doesn’t want to do it again. She needs to accept that Maria is gone.

The voice is persistent and Natasha caves eventually because it hurts to ignore her. She eases the grip on herself and allows herself a moment to enjoy Maria’s voice, even if it’s not real. Her chest feels tight and her eyes sting, and she turns back to her vision a minute later.

“I miss you.”

The hallucination looks exactly like Natasha remembers Maria; beautiful and strong, and warm. It hurts all the more and she hates her brain for coming up with this time and time again. It’s the same thing each time. Maria always looks the same; she always says the same. She’s always there but never fills the void Natasha feels inside. Seeing Maria like this is either going to drive her insane or kill her slowly. She thinks it’ll be the latter. It feels like she’s dying without her.

Maria smiles at her and it’s the same kind of fond smile she’s always held in reserve for Natasha. It breaks her. She lets the tears fall and reaches out for her only for her hand to grasp at nothing. The hallucination disappears behind all her tears and Natasha sobs quietly, curling in on herself as if it could protect her from the world and her pain.


	20. Bleeding Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a day late, sorry about that. And sorry about this too.

Natasha thinks she might be dying. The hole in her leg is impossible to keep under pressure and so it keeps bleeding with every dragged step she takes. She puts one foot in front of the other, then again, and again. She’s not done yet. She still needs to leave. She still needs to see Maria again. It’s that thought that keeps her going even when her vision becomes blurry and she feels so dizzy she wants to puke. Her leg hurts with every move she makes and her body starts protesting under the strain. She wants to rest and take care of the wound but there’s no time and no supplies. She’s already torn off a sleeve from her shirt in an attempt to stem the blood flow but all it’s done is drench the fabric red.

She leaves a trail of blood behind her as she walks, steadying herself against any nearby object on her way. She can’t see straight anymore. She’s bleeding out, and without any immediate medical attention, she’ll die on some random path in the woods. This isn’t how she wants to go. And she definitely doesn’t want to die without seeing Maria again.

Her comms are dead and there’s no reception is the forest. She checks every few meters, when she feels strong enough for it. She’s too far away from the city. She’s not giving up hope yet to at least hear Maria’s voice one more time. That would make things better.

She collapses onto a rock by the riverside, half of her in the water, tainting it red with her blood. She grabs her phone again for one last try. Natasha has no strength left. It’s now or never. There’s a single bar of reception and she closes her eyes before gathering enough strength to call Maria. Maybe they can still find her. If Stark is available, she might yet live.

It rings once before Maria picks up and Natasha smiles at the sound of her voice, worried and a little frantic but relieved.

“Natasha? Where are you?”

She doesn’t say anything because her voice fails her. She feels tired and weak. She manages her name, barely, and that’s all she has the strength for before she drops the phone onto the pebbles beside her. She’s lost too much blood. This is it. Natasha fights to stay conscious but it doesn’t take too long before the darkness overtakes her anyway.


	21. Secret Injury

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this one and I might end up writing more.

It’s been a really long week. Natasha has been out on a mission for the last four days and Maria’s had a mission of her own to help out the Avengers. It’s not been a big deal or they would have called in everyone, including Natasha, Rhodey and Tony. Natasha still worries when she hears about it; not because she doubts that Maria can handle it, but because she doesn’t trust anyone but Fury and herself to look out for her and have her back. She knows they do and that they treat her like a part of the team no matter how often she’s actually out with them. Still, Natasha can’t help it.

She’s relieved to be back home and with Maria. She’s exhausted from her mission and Maria is comfortable so she falls asleep easily once she’s curled up around her. Maria watches her sleep. Her outing with the Avengers had gone over well but not without her getting injured. There’s a deep cut on her leg, bandaged up by herself. It hurts to walk but she’s good at hiding it. Natasha has been too tired to notice for which she is grateful because it’s almost impossible to hide anything from her. Maria is good but Natasha is better. She also hates worrying her. She shouldn’t be out and about for a while with that cut and she plans to give it time to heal. The problemstic part about keeping it a secret is sharing her rooms with Natasha. It’s stupid to try and hide it from her at all, she knows it. She fusses over Natasha when she’s hurt and Natasha tends to do the same in return. Maria has never minded that. What she does mind, and what is worse than any injury she could possibly have, is the look on Natasha’s face when she realizes Maria’s gotten hurt. It’s for that very reason that she hides things like these when she can get away with it. It makes her heart ache.

The thing about trying to keep anything a secret from a hyper-observant spy is that it never works for very long. Natasha finds out the very next evening when she walks in on Maria changing after her shower. She’s mad and upset, and then her expression shifts once again to the one that makes Maria hurt. It often goes like this. The moods combine and Natasha argues with her and Maria argues right back because she’s doing this to protect her, and herself to an extend. Natasha wants to leave and maybe punch something but she sits Maria down and tends to the cut in tense silence. Maria is too stubborn to apologize. She will, later, she always does. She just wishes she could protect Natasha from feeling like she might lose her if she blinks.


	22. Humiliation

Maria hasn’t been with S.H.I.E.L.D. long enough yet to recognize the Black Widow when she sees her. All she sees is a small redhead who is both too quiet and too cocky at the same time. Women like her irritate Maria, who’s had to work hard her whole life to get where she is now; to be taken seriously by the men around her. It feels like an insult to watch the other woman turn down all but one agent for spars, every day, with a dismissive shrug and an attitude that gives the rookies in the army a run for their money.

She’s fed up eventually and challenges her to a spar when she catches her looking her way with an expression that makes her feel like she’s doing everything wrong when she knows she isn’t.

Natasha looks her up and down twice before she shrugs and steps into the middle of the mats in an invitation for Maria to join her. Maria bites down her annoyance and steps closer. Her challenge has gotten everyone’s attention and people stop their workouts to watch. It isn’t every day that Natasha accepts a challenge after all. Maria knows that but she doesn’t know why. There are whispers in the crowd and Maria suddenly feels like she’s made a big mistake. She swallows her nerves. She doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone but she certainly wants to, and she wants to knock this woman down a few notches.

“If you win, I’ll tell you my name,” Natasha smirks and something about it catches Maria off guard.

She glares at her. It’s true she doesn’t know her name but she doesn’t need it either.

They both get into position and Maria realizes that she doesn’t know a thing about the way the redhead fights. It doesn’t matter though. Maria can adapt. She makes the first jab, fast and powerful and Natasha dodges it like it’s nothing. She baits and waits and Maria finds that irritating too. She keeps trying, keeps going for her, but Natasha sidesteps and ducks every blow effortlessly. She blocks when she’s feeling particularly lazy. Maria is annoyed but at least she doesn’t give her time to retaliate and that’s something too.

Except for when Natasha does retaliate. It happens so fast that Maria has no idea what’s even happened but the next thing she knows is that she’s face down on the mats with Natasha on top of her not even breaking a sweat. She feels utterly humiliated by the defeat and doesn’t dare move. Everyone is watching them still. Maria dhasn’t even touched her. Natasha’s taken her down with one move and that’s embarrassing too because Maria is a good fighter. Natasha’s made it look like she’s an amateur.

Natasha gets off her and steps back, and then she waits for Maria to get up too. There’s a blush on her cheeks when she does and Natasha wonders if that’s from embarrassment or anger. Maria thanks her for the spar and then leaves without looking anyone in the eye. She hasn’t felt this humiliated since her first week in the army. She hates it, and she hates the redhead too.


	23. Abandoned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Charlie for the initial idea that I didn't end up running with. I am Maria, and ai have unresolved issues with Endgame.

Natasha has spent the past five years doing everything she can to bring back the people she’s lost. Staring over the abyss with Clint behind her presents one last thing she can do. It can’t be him. He can’t be the one to sacrifice himself for the world. He has a family. They’re her family too and she wants them back. She wants the kids to grow up and have a life and she wants them to have their father with them. Natasha has nobody left. She has the Avengers, of course, and she loves them dearly, but Maria is gone and she doesn’t want to live in a world without her. This could bring her back.

“Clint…”

“Don’t even think about it, Nat.”

Natasha doesn’t remember the fight that follows. She remembers watching Clint run past her to jump off the cliff and she remembers stopping him and dangling on the side of the cliff, slipping.

“Tell her I love her.”

“Natasha!”

* * *

When Maria makes it to the Avengers compound and finds it in ruins, her stomach drops. Nobody is picking up their phones; not Natasha, not Clint, or Pepper or Steve. Wanda, of all people, is the first to answer a call and tell her where to find them. Maria doesn’t waste any time to get there.

Natasha isn’t there when she arrives. There’s a tense silence around her and she just barely holds on to her composure when she asks about her. Most eyes fall to Clint and Maria walks over to him to search his face. He avoids her eyes for a few moments and then finally tells her.

“She’s gone, Maria. She… she sacrificed herself for one of the Stones. So we could bring everyone back.”

Maria stops breathing. She feels like someone just ripped out her heart and stepped on it. There are more words, something about an alien planet and time travel.

“Maria.”

It’s Steve’s voice in her ear and she feels his hand on her shoulder, big and warm and steadying. It doesn’t help.

“You just left her there?”

“I- There was no-“

“You left her, on some stupid planet?! You couldn’t bring her back?!”

Clint takes a step back and hangs his head. He’d woken up far away from the mountain, with no way to the place Natasha had fallen to. There hadn’t been any time.

“Maria, please.”

She whirls around and faces Steve, tears in her eyes and anger in her voice.

“You brought everyone back! What if you brought _her_ back, and she’s stuck there with no way back home?” She asks, then glares at Clint again, “You abandoned her there. You left her.”

“She has the Particles. If she came back, she would have used them by now.”

“And if she can’t? You all abandoned her.”

Maria shakes off Steve’s hand and storms back out. She doesn’t want to be around any of them right now. She can’t believe this. She doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to be here, without her.


	24. Ransom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out not very angsty at all so consider this a respite from the month.

Natasha has had a really bad week. She’s been shot, stabbed and beaten, and now she’s tied up against a radiator with very little chance of getting out by herself. She overhears them talking in the next room and wants to laugh. They talk about ransom for her. It isn’t that she’s not worth any, but the idea of anyone demanding a ransom for the Black Widow is laughable. S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn’t negotiate, and what’s more: Maria doesn’t negotiate. Not where Natasha is concerned.

She waits, undisturbed by the men who hold her captive. She isn’t threatened and she’s not exactly in danger either. Just because she’s stuck doesn’t mean she’s helpless. Maria will come for her. She just needs to be patient.

Maria is both amused and livid when the ransom call comes in. They’re asking for a half million, and honestly, Maria is just offended by that. Natasha is worth much more than that as an asset, nevermind her worth as a person and Maria’s girlfriend. Fury gives her a look that tells her she’s free to deal with this however she chooses. He trusts her.

They set up a time and place to exchange the money for Natasha and Maria has her men agree and then immediately head out to prepare the area.

It’s two hours later that they meet at the park and Maria calls in the agents as soon as she sees Natasha isn’t with them. It makes sense too. Natasha wouldn’t have bothered to leave them conscious for long.

Luckily they find her lication quickly and Maria is there ten minutes later to get her out.

“How much?” Natasha asks, rubbing her sore wrists.

She still isn’t bothered. Maria grins at her. It’s been a scare to get the call but Natasha is better than that.

“Half a million.”

“What? Damnit. That’s all?”

“Yup.”

“Man.”

Maria laughs and Natasha pouts.

“That’s just rude.”

“You are not getting kidnapped again so you can try and get a higher ransom.”

“Spoilsport.”


	25. Beaten

They lost. Natasha sits in the ashes of the destroyed city, her body aching and her ears ringing. She doesn’t know where everyone else is. The comms are dead. She hopes they aren’t too. Natasha doesn’t want to think about it. They have to have made it. She doesn’t know what she’ll do if they’re gone.

She keeps trying to reach them; to reach Maria. She should seek out some kind of medical attention. She’s in bad shape but it’s not important when she still doesn’t know everyone’s safe. She’s alone in the area.

Eventually, Natasha gets up and staggers down the road in an attempt to find survivors; friends or strangers, it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t want to be the only one. The comms are still dead but she continues trying anyway.

She’s walking for an hour before her legs no longer carry her and she crashes through a half broken window of a ransacked shop. She curses and lets out an annoyed sigh. If she ever sees Loki again, she’s going to kill him for this.

“N…t… Nat?”

The voice comes broken through her comm and Natasha has a hard time believing she isn’t imagining it.

“Maria? Where are you?”

There’s more static and Natasha’s heart drops. She forces herself up, ready to run to her. A vague location finally makes it through and Natasha makes her way there.

She finds Maria barely conscious, leaning against a window by a bus stop four blocks down. She looks in worse shape than Natasha feels. Natasha barely manages to make it all the way before she collapses next to her.

“Maria.”

Maria turns her head and smiles at the sight of Natasha. Natasha cups her cheek and checks her over for injuries. There’s cuts and blood everywhere, burns and soot from explosions, and she assumes broken bones as well. Natasha has those herself.

Maria is alive though and that’s all that matters, even when the city is in ruins and Loki has won the day.


	26. Numb

Natasha feels nothing when she hears the news. No anger, no sadness, no heartbreak. She feels numb and empty. There is no breakdown, no wish for vengeance. There is nothing.

Steve puts his hand on her shoulder, ever the concerned and compassionate big brother figure. Tony watches her from a few feet away, concern written all over his face. Clint stands in front of her, ready to pull her into a hug. Fury is watching them, waiting for her to react. He’s the one who’s just told her. He’s the one who knows just how much this hit her, how much it hurts. Or how much it will hurt once the numbness fades and it all comes crashing down on her.

Maria is gone. Natasha wants to mourn and cry and _scream_ but she still only feels emptiness inside and she stands still, her face blank. She repeats the words over and over again in her head. They play in a loop she can’t seem to stop. Maria is gone. She’s gone.

She blinks once and stares past Clint and at Fury. Even his expression is softer, mournful. Natasha can’t bring herself to mimic it. She hears her heartbeat over Fury’s words in her head and still feels nothing. She thinks it’s easier this way. It’ll hurt more later but right now she doesn’t know how else to take the news.

She registers Clint’s voice but doesn’t hear what he says. Steve’s follows it, then Bruce. Natasha keeps still; keeps staring at Fury. She stares until tears form in her eyes and then fall down her cheeks when she blinks. She lowers her gaze then. Maria is gone. Natasha still feels numb.


	27. Recovery

Maria doesn’t have the patience for this. She wants to move, work out, maybe go for a run or a spar. She can’t do any of it. She’s stuck walking a small space, over and over until she’s done her reps. It hurts and she’s frustrated but she’s also stubborn and she knows she needs this. At least she’s walking on her own. That’s more than she can say about a week prior.

Natasha is watching from a bench a few meters away, trying really hard not to tense up at every stumble she sees and every wince she hears. Maria can deal with the pain. She’ll push through it and move on, just like she always does. It doesn’t make it any easier to see.

Maria’s voice rips her out of her thoughts and she watches her argue with her attendant. It’s not the first time. This happens at least three times a week. Maria pushes herself too far, always. It’s good to be motivated and determined but she can’t overexert herself without hindering her progress or collapsing.

Natasha notices her knees buckle before anyone else does. Maria is exhausted. It shows in her voice and the way her limbs tremble. She’s with her just in time to catch her and stop her fall to the ground. She nods at the attendant and the woman leaves to give them some space. In moments like these, Natasha is the only one who can get through to Maria.

“Hey, that’s enough for today.”

Maria is still catching her breath and she hangs her head for a moment. She knows she’s done it again but she’s just so fed up with this. Recovery is awful. Natasha helps her over to the wheelchair so she can sit, and walks them over to the bench she’s been sitting on so she could rest for a minute.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. You need to be more careful though. Pushing yourself through recovery like that isn’t actually going to get you through it any faster.”

“Like you’d know,” Maria snaps.

Natasha isn’t upset by it. She sits with her and smiles even as Maria glares at her. It’s not her she’s mad at and she knows it. Natasha knows better than to argue back. It’s not going to get them anywhere and that’s not the support Maria needs, nor the kind she deserves.

“I don’t but I’ve talked to the people working with you on this. A lot.”

Maria is still angry, at herself more than anyone else, but she sighs and looks away from her, down at her legs. She’s been in recovery for over a month now, with very slow progress. She knows that’s normal but it still irritates her.

“There’s no shortcut this time, Maria. You can’t get better faster than your body can recover. Listen to it.”

“I know… I just feel… I feel useless, Nat.”

It’s not just that and they both know it. She’s not allowed back at work until she’s cleared for it, not even for desk duty. Maria feels restless. It’s like she’s letting everyone down. Natasha won’t have it.

“You’re not, I promise. Everything else can wait right now. You need to focus on yourself before you worry about letting anyone down. I know you, Maria. S.H.I.E.L.D. will still stand when you get back.”

“Yeah…” Maria mumbled, “Can we go back?”

Natasha nods and gets the wheelchair, then helps her settle before walking them back to Maria’s quarters. Recovery is awful but at least Natasha is there with her. Maria doesn’t want to imagine how difficult this would be without her.


	28. Embrace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last prompt of the month, though have a few prompts left to write since I skipped several. Thanks for sticking around for the entirety of the month and I'd like to once again apologize for making them suffer so much.

Five years, seven months, sixteen days, ten hours and thirty-two minutes. Natasha has never stopped counting since finding out Maria’s disappeared. She’s spent that time trying to find a way to bring her back; to bring everyone back. She’s died for it, then came back and now she’s somehow found her way back to Earth, to her time, to her friends.

She prays for the first time in her life. She prays that Maria is back with the rest of them. She’s genuinely overwhelmed by everyone pulling her into relieved hugs when she first comes back, and her eyes dart past everyone and across the area in search of bright blue ones. She’s glad to be back with them all but she wants Maria. She needs to know if Maria is alive. It makes her chest hurt and she can’t breathe. She’s too tense from the anticipation and fear that Maria might not be back after all. Everyone else is.

Thor puts his large hand on her shoulder and shakes her out of her reverie when he pulls her into a tight hug. She smiles because she can’t not. Thor has changed but he’s still warm and kind. She closes her eyes for a few moments and soaks in the safety that comes with his embrace and then pulls herself away just enough to speak to him.

“Maria?”

Thor beams at her and steps back with a nod. He turns her around gently and walks her towards the entrance of the building. The rest of them part to let them through and Thor leaves her by the door. He waits outside with everyone else and lets Natasha go to find Maria.

It takes her five minutes to cross the building and step back outside on the other side, where Maria is waiting for her. Natasha stops dead in her tracks and forgets to breathe for a moment. Maria turns to her and the breath of relief she lets out is obvious. She runs towards Natasha and then stops and Natasha wonders if she’s also worried she’s not real.

The first touch is hesitant and a little fearful. But then skin touches skin and Natasha breaks. She throws herself into Maria’s arms and they wrap around her in comforting reassurance and familarity. Maria is home and so is Natasha.

Their embrace is tight but a little shaky. Natasha cries into her shoulder, her fingers digging into skin because she’s afraid to let go. Maria’s breath is coming shakily as well. They’d told her Natasha had died. It was surreal to hold her again like this.

Neither of them break the embrace for another ten minutes. They just stand there, holding each other, basking in the knowledge they’re both alive and well, and back together. Natasha never wants to pull away again and Maria feels much the same.

“You’re back,” Natasha says finally.

“And you…”

Natasha nods against her and finally looks up at her, teary-eyed but happier than she’s been in almost six years.

“I thought I’d never see you again…”

Maria frees one of her hands from around her to cup her cheek.

“You can never leave me again, Masha.”

To that Maria smiles and Natasha rests her head back on her shoulder to enjoy the warmth of her embrace.

“I promise.”


End file.
